she's drooling on the inside

(two carpenters and a poet, but never your husband)

Published on May 18, 2004 By mignuna In Sex & Romance

i am the first to admit it: i’m a bad, bad “girl”.

by that, i mean i’m bad at being female. women confound me so much sometimes that i even feel sorry for men. *gasp*

having so many "boys as girlfriends" only makes it so much harder to understand, too.

as a case in point, my closest male friend was, some 2 years ago, in possession of a girlfriend who was obsessed with not only him, but also with me.

i do not mean in romantic-novel type way obsessed, either.

we are not talking perfumed love letters and muffled midnight phone calls here, folks.

the woman turned into a raving psycho at the mere mention of my name. the fact that i was a person with control of my vagina apparently never occurred to her ...

... she seemed to think that it would somehow escape on it’s own and climb up his trouser leg, or something.

she said so herself. to him. she said “of course i trust you. but these things can happen”.

can they ? ...

... if you honestly don’t want them to, do they just happen anyway ?

no. they don’t. as you and i know. but try telling her that.

(he did. once. after which she relayed her suspicions to him that my entire life existed solely as a cover-up for my torrid affair with him. enough said)

my friend at this point insisted that i continue to contact his home as though “nothing was amiss”, under the assumption that she would “calm down”.

i did.

and she did not.

she instead chose to celebrate “catching” him on the telephone to me by hurling the contents of the room at his head.

i admit to exercising my self-preservation (i.e.: cowardly) instinct at this point and running away from the situation. i am so brave

.

and my friend regrets to this day that he let me do it. but he cared for her. and i was making her unhappy. and, rational or not, facts are facts.

she was an insecure, spoiled little girl.

i know i probably should have done her a favour by taking her and her small-minded views on. but i just plain didn’t care enough.

somebody judged me. wrongly. unfairly. i didn't fight. why bother ?. i don’t need the points and i can’t spare the time.

funny thing is, when i walked away from my friendship and hurt myself instead of her, it made her happy. she didn’t realize it was a gift to him and not a victory for her.

but he did.

... um, what was her name again, my friend ?

Comments (Page 1)

gothic impulse

on May 18, 2004

As someone who has more male friends than females ....I sympathise.

You are a better woman than me ..I would have told her that OMG she found out the truth !!!!

But as you and I know girlfriends may come and go ...but he will always be your friend.

snickering slightly

Jess

Cann1bal

on May 18, 2004

Yeah Im with my baby on this one... personally I would have let her eat all the bullshit up in one swift scoop.... oh yeah Im nailing him what of it... you know destroy her ego a little bit thats what I would have done but her I been in that situation before... but hey thats just me
Adios

Sally jacobs

on May 18, 2004

Grrr...women like that are so annoying, why do people presume because you are different sexes that means you're going to shag each other! I do kind of feel sorry for her though, to be that insecure must suck big time, does she not realise that all that is going to achieve is pushing this friend of yours even further away!

I think you did the right thing, or maybe I'm just a coward to, but by not rising to it, you definately proved you are the better woman, and you won in the end, and kept your dignity

Muggaz

on May 18, 2004

Who can blame her for being a little afraid Mig? I mean, come on... ever so ravishing!

BAM!!!

notsohighlyevolved

on May 19, 2004

I'm sorry people.

Muggaz got it right. It was all Mig's fault

I can all give you an inside tip. Never go for a girl who is rich, spoilt, polymorphously perverse, alternates between being sexually dominant and sexually submissive, eats at restraunts everyday because of her "standards" and has a really, really bad case of boderline personality disorder.

Go to an amusement park and jump on the rollercoaster instead. You can even do that with your friends. Experiences like the one related by Mig can't be shared with anyone.

Mig. You ever leave me alone with a psycho again, and i'm going to camp on your front lawn and bombard you with endless renditions of coombayah ( I can't even spell it, imagine how i'll play it

)

imajinit

on May 19, 2004

can they ? ...

... if you honestly don’t want them to, do they just happen anyway ?

no. they don’t. as you and i know. but try telling her that.

not even when alcohol is involved?

mignuna

on May 19, 2004

marco, you deserve to be punished for blaming me.

when asked to describe your female friend, saying "she's married" as your first statement makes girls think that's your major preoccupation with me, and is, thus, in fact the only reason why we are not shagging like rabbits.

the fact that you and i are stricken with the urge to kill each other, with pain, every time we occupy the same house for more than a few days seems to occur to nobody else as a very good reason "why not".

so, i will now tell everyone that you not only went back to her (about seventeen times), but that she acquired the fascinating masocistic tendency to fly to another country whenever you dumped her, unpack, sulk for an hour, go to a travel agent, buy another ticket to wherever she was, post it to you and then spend the next week screaming on the phone at 3am telling you she'll die if you don't get one the plane.

i will leave it up to you to decide if your readers find out how you behaved.

hint: *shame on you*

jess & cann1bal, i too once had the youthful vigour to take on all comers !. now i am too old and cranky. i can barely fight with marco these days. except when he doesn't want me to.

sally, thankyou. i try to take comfort in that fact

muggaz ... i'd love to able to say that i was some goddess that made her seethe with envy. but the fact is, she never even MET me ... never spoke to me. she buried me as far as looks and body, she was gorgeous. plus she was 18 years my junior. she just hated me 'cause i was there.

and michael ... the "4 hour long involuntary muscle spasms" people claim to experience whilst intoxicated which result in them having sex with someone else don't apply to me. i rarely drink anything at all, and if i do, i make sure i'm somewhere safe.

were i to deliberately get drunk whilst alone with a single friend of the opposite sex and shag them however, i do agree that it's something i may not have done if i were thinking straight. so, i just don't put myself in that situation to begin with.

no, really, michael, i just come right out and JUMP on my male friends. all of 'em. i like to lull 'em into a false sense of security, then get 'em drunk and pounce. every time i go near marco the poor man is forced to consume huge quantities of alcohol and then defend himself from my slavering lustful advances.

he hates it, too.

thanks everyone for your comments. just call me the "oscar acceptance speech" commenter.

mig XX

imajinit

on May 19, 2004

the "4 hour long involuntary muscle spasms" people claim to experience whilst intoxicated which result in them having sex with someone else don't apply to me. i rarely drink anything at all, and if i do, i make sure i'm somewhere safe.

were i to deliberately get drunk whilst alone with a single friend of the opposite sex and shag them however, i do agree that it's something i may not have done if i were thinking straight. so, i just don't put myself in that situation to begin with.

so things can 'just happen' if the conditions are right. and you don't put yourself in that situation to begin with. That's smart.

it sounds like the woman in question was afraid of her boyfriend being put in that situation... so she's insecure... sue her! hehehe

mignuna

on May 19, 2004

quote: "she was an insecure, spoiled little girl.i know i probably should have done her a favour by taking her and her small-minded views on. but i just plain didn’t care enough.somebody judged me. wrongly. unfairly. i didn't fight. why bother ?. i don’t need the points and i can’t spare the time."endquote

sue her for what ?. being insecure in her situation was just idiocy, and like any of us would still be free if you could be sued for being an idiot.

and michael, i agree that things "can happen". but like i said, usually only if you err, expose yourself to them

mig XX

ps: the friend described in this article has just written his side of the story. (ju user "notsohighlyevolved")

imajinit

on May 19, 2004

but like i said, usually only if you err, expose yourself to them

basically what we're talking about is flirting with temptation... believe me when I say that I know all about it. I put myself in a 'situation' back in December where I was tempted, and I lost the battle.

Now I'm going to be paying for it for the rest of my life. Isn't that pleasant? Funny how women can forgive, but they never ever forget

notsohighlyevolved

on May 19, 2004

"no, really, michael, i just come right out and JUMP on my male friends. all of 'em. i like to lull 'em into a false sense of security, then get 'em drunk and pounce. every time i go near marco the poor man is forced to consume huge quantities of alcohol and then defend himself from my slavering lustful advances."

She always does and i always do. Her advance and me defend. Never get the two confused.

Mig's a nasty piece of work.

I mean, i don't mind the alcohol so much, but the slavering lustful advances....i mean plu-eeeese.

mignuna

on May 19, 2004

michael, i am sorry to hear that. but i imagine there was some reason that you placed yourself in that situation to begin with ?

and marco is right. i'm shameful.

mig XX

imajinit

on May 19, 2004

but i imagine there was some reason that you placed yourself in that situation to begin with ?

and that is precisely what my girlfriend wants to know... why did I do that?

kingbee

on May 19, 2004

whatta great piece (and i mean that in any and all solely complimentary senses of the word)!

mignuna

on May 19, 2004

michael, you didn't share your reason, and i respect your choice not to. but have you reached any conclusion within yourself as to why you did it ? ... perhaps you were testing your relationship in some way ? and you say you're still together, so can i ask, did you learn your lesson ? did you grow in any way, or was it all about going backwards for you ?

and kingbee, what am i going to say to that ? ... that i wish it were true perhaps ?. um, no, ok , i know: "thankyou"

mig XX

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