... issues and tissues with a touch of the spicy from the spirit hag ...
... what's really going on in your garden ... ewww !
Published on August 25, 2004 By mignuna In Misc

Snail sex. No, this is not about some weird sexual slow-breathing palaver for humans. It’s about sex, snail style. Snails, as in molluscs. Slimy, icky little molluscs ... ew ... but I digress.

The common garden snail, Helia aspersa (native to Europe and also found in California and South America), is a hermaphrodite, meaning that it can assume either a male or female role in reproduction as required. (Yes, of course this story gets better).

Garden snails court from between 15 minutes to six hours by slowly circling each other, touching tentacles, and biting each others lips and genitalia. They punctuate their mating ritual by shooting their partners with a calcified ‘love dart’ produced by the blood engorgement of a special organ housing the ‘dart’.

When the partner touches the ‘darter's’ genitalia, a 'dart' is fired. Now, as snails can detect light and dark, but are otherwise ‘blind’, it is a real case of hit and ms. (pardon my pun). In fact, the majority of these ‘darts’ are consumed (eaten) by the ‘female’ of the union.

Biologists have proven that a 'signal' carried only on some darts prevents the mate from digesting them. The female reproductive tract in snails is hostile to sperm by design, to make it difficult for ‘weak’ sperm to survive, so only the strongest ‘darts’, with their powerful chemical beacon, will survive undigested and fertilise the ‘female’.

Unless the ‘female’ gets a ‘signal’ from the dart, she will digest 99.98 percent of the ‘males’ sperm, leaving fertilisation from ‘poor quality’ sperm a near impossibility.

Wow. Do these snails have genetic survival nailed or what ? .


Comments (Page 2)
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on Aug 26, 2004
Someone needs to do an article entitled something like "Snail sex, boar testicles, and burning bunnies...the best of joeuser"....lol (just using three good ones from blogs I know; can't help that two of 'em are mine...lol)
on Aug 26, 2004
Someone needs to do an article entitled something like "Snail sex, boar testicles, and burning bunnies...the best of joeuser"....


i dare you to, gideon ! ... i double-dare you to ! hehe !

(just using three good ones from blogs I know; can't help that two of 'em are mine...lol)


i'd like to see the referrals on that gideon, i have to admit it. the possibilities are endless ! hehe !


vanessa/mig XX
on Aug 26, 2004

she got snails out of her garden and SHE ATE THEM ?.

there may be some native snails here but the only ones i ever see are those ('eatingus onesus' if you wanna get all technical n stuff ) brought here for dinner (ahahaha) by immigrants  from italy/the agean coast. 

on Aug 26, 2004
mignuna: Yep, I have cooked since I was seven. Both my parents worked when I was young. By the time I was in high school my parents travelled intermittantly throughout the year and I stayed home and went to school. I got more and more interested in cook books the longer they are gone, lol.

My wife makes fun of me. Other people's husbands sneak off and blow money on "man things", and I come home with pounds of prosciutto, cheese that stinks up the house, and dubious looking stuff from restraunt supply stores.

Snails aren't anything like what I would imagine boogers to be. To me they are a lot like clams, cooking them changes their texture a great deal. Thanks heaps, though, for a mental image that will no doubt flash before my eyes the next time I try to eat them, gid...

on Aug 26, 2004
Then I decided maybe I would let you know that I was here and that I think you cover all sorts of topics, including snail nookie, in such an adorable and enjoyable way . . . and "eeeeeewwww".


thankyou, texas wahine !



('eatingus onesus' if you wanna get all technical n stuff )


eatingus onesus ?. hehe


Uhmm, Gid, how would you know what boogers taste like...(sans garlic, even?)


ugh. just when i thought i couldn't be more grossed out by this thread



mignuna: Yep, I have cooked since I was seven. Both my parents worked when I was young. By the time I was in high school my parents travelled intermittantly throughout the year and I stayed home and went to school. I got more and more interested in cook books the longer they are gone, lol.


i think that's wonderful, baker. more men should know how to cook.

My wife makes fun of me. Other people's husbands sneak off and blow money on "man things", and I come home with pounds of prosciutto, cheese that stinks up the house, and dubious looking stuff from restraunt supply stores


tell your wife that i said she doesn't know how lucky she is !. i am obsessed with fresh herbs and olive oil. my husband thinks i'm mad, but i can always tell dried herbs or bad olive oil, and both ruin food.

Snails aren't anything like what I would imagine boogers to be. To me they are a lot like clams, cooking them changes their texture a great deal.


i'm sorry, baker. even for you. i am never eating a snail. never, i tell you !!!

Thanks heaps, though, for a mental image that will no doubt flash before my eyes the next time I try to eat them, gid


ew. you mean boogers. garlic boogers. oh how many times can i say ewww in one thread ?.

thanks for the comments




vanessa/mig XX
on Aug 26, 2004
Okay, I've been lurking on this one too, and finally found something to say. Love the smileys, btw.

Someone needs to do an article entitled something like "Snail sex, boar testicles, and burning bunnies...the best of joeuser"....


I agree, but what about the murderous deer?

If your pour some directly on them, you can watch the slow torturous process...takes a little while, but they soon disintigrate into a puddle of gelatinous goo


I wonder if that would work on them, I'll have to share that with SPC Nbs.....
on Aug 26, 2004
This is all i have to say about snails AND garlic boogers....


sabrina !. the puking one is sooooo cute !. i love him !. thankyou



I wonder if that would work on them, I'll have to share that with SPC Nbs


ladycleave, this thread just keeps getting weirder and weirder, doesn't it ?. i like this contribution of yours. i think gideon should add it to his 'boar testicles and bunnies' article !!!!



vanessa/mig XX
on Aug 26, 2004
mignuna: Yep, I have cooked since I was seven. Both my parents worked when I was young. By the time I was in high school my parents travelled intermittantly throughout the year and I stayed home and went to school. I got more and more interested in cook books the longer they are gone, lol.


I have cooked since I was 8 years old. I even taught my wife to cook, as she did not learn such domestic things as a child.
on Aug 26, 2004
It would be hilarious if you got referrals for "garlic boogers" on this thread....lol
on Aug 26, 2004
My wife makes fun of me. Other people's husbands sneak off and blow money on "man things", and I come home with pounds of prosciutto, cheese that stinks up the house, and dubious looking stuff from restraunt supply stores.


i am obsessed with fresh herbs and olive oil. my husband thinks i'm mad, but i can always tell dried herbs or bad olive oil, and both ruin food.


My husband does/is all of those things!! - minus restaurant supply stores - he haunts gourmet food markets, delis and the farmers market.

this is a gross and funny thread Mig -- and I can't help but be reminded of Pretty Woman "Slippery little suckers"
on Aug 27, 2004
I have cooked since I was 8 years old. I even taught my wife to cook, as she did not learn such domestic things as a child.


waaaah. my husband can't boil water. i'm SO envious of 'mrs gideon' and 'mrs baker' !


It would be hilarious if you got referrals for "garlic boogers" on this thread....lol


not as funny as the ones you're going to get for the boar thing, gideon. i cannot wait ! hehe


My husband does/is all of those things!! - minus restaurant supply stores - he haunts gourmet food markets, delis and the farmers market.


another lucky woman !. trina, i think is wonderful !!

this is a gross and funny thread Mig -- and I can't help but be reminded of Pretty Woman "Slippery little suckers"


i love that scene .


vanessa/mig XX
on Oct 15, 2004

You may find it interesting to check the sites dedicated to


and YOU may find it interesting to f*ck off

on Oct 15, 2004
and YOU may find it interesting to f*ck off


You go, girl! Sorry that you're being spammed, but it's always funny when it's someone else...
on Oct 15, 2004
Yeah, but do they really enjoy it?

Are drinks involved at all?
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