... issues and tissues with a touch of the spicy from the spirit hag ...
... and other such early educational misadventures
Published on November 21, 2004 By mignuna In Humor

 

I can recall the first film I saw about sex. It was at a school evening. My parents were there. (My parents !. Who had done it. Ugh !. Whatever it was. I wasn’t even certain I wanted to know). There I sat amongst my equally embarrassed-into-silence classmates, the setting completed by a ring of parents who looked at their shoes and cleared their throats a lot.

 

Then 'it' happened. The film said the word ‘penis’. “HA HA ! PENIS !”  yelled Joel, the kid who had no eyelashes and always barfed on the bus on school excursions. “PENIS !” screeched someone else. All hell broke loose as 30-or-so high-on-nerves pre-teens erupted into a spontaneous volcano of hysterical laughter.

 

In the background, the film was now displaying a highly-coloured drawing of the female anatomy from a side view. “EWW !” screeched Joel “WHAT IS THAT THING ?”. When it was carefully explained, one of the girls started crying and had to be taken to the toilet to recover by her Dad.

 

This was shortly followed by a mass evacuation of little girls to the tea room, all crying for the same reason (ie: because someone else was). By this time, the film had finished, nobody had learned anything, and Joel spent the remainder of the evening in the corner for making all the girls cry.

 

I am happy to say that I have since learned that I don’t really have fluorescent blue fallopian tubes and an orange vagina (complete with polka-dotted clitoris and dark-green labia), but I will still never forget the one truth I did learn during my first ‘sex’ lesson ...

 

... It doesn’t matter how young you are, (or how old you get), sex is sometimes just plain old funny and embarrassing.

 

 

 


Comments (Page 1)
on Nov 21, 2004
OMG Miguna... when i saw that title I thought Manya snuck back in lol
on Nov 21, 2004

ahahahaha oh i knew exactly who was responsible for this title.

you may have difficulty believing this but i was ordered into the cloakroom (a euphemism for what was really an area partially walled off from the actual classroom with hooks on the wall for coats and a bench on which one removed/put on boots before storing/after removing them under it) immediately prior to our official introduction to human sexual physiology.   i was by that time permanently seated immediately in front of the teacher's desk.

and thats how it came to be i was spared the trauma of having to force myself to look solemn n shit while the NUN splained the ins and outs (so to speak)

youre way too funny migs!  (altho i gotta admit my 2nd thought...after i know who wrote that...was hmmm an 18 hour flight aint too much to endure if it really is polka-dotted )

on Nov 21, 2004

Joel, the kid who had no eyelashes and always barfed on the bus on school excursions.

You knew him too?  Man, that kid got around...

We had much the same reaction at our school. 'Cept we didn't have polka-dotted clits...ours were pale green, and the testicles, oddly enough, were blue.  Our parent's weren't there, though, and the boys were separated from the girls for the little 'chat' and film show.  We all walked out of there and eyed each other up knowingly....

We had one kid, Andrew Jaycock, who fainted whilst watching a film about birth.  Fell backwards off his stool in the biology lab and gave himself a concussion.  He also fainted during a demonstration involving sheep's lungs and the gas tap usually used for bunsen burners.  I personally think he could do it at will and turned it on whenever there was something he really didn't want to sit through.  If I could have done it, I'd have used it during math and physics......

on Nov 21, 2004
We had one kid, Andrew Jaycock, who fainted whilst watching a film about birth.


if that was my name I'd fall off a chair backwards on PURPOSE.
on Nov 21, 2004
Funny story. I only remember one thing about sex education when I was in school: Teacher asks "Where does conception take place?" Student answers "Corner of fourth and main" Class (including teacher) breaks out in laughter
on Nov 21, 2004
Funny story Migs..It jsut goes to show that some stories are universal!
on Nov 21, 2004
and the testicles, oddly enough, were blue


Actually, that seems like a very common condition amongst teenagers....
on Nov 21, 2004
Manopeace
when i saw that title I thought Manya snuck back in lol

Hehe...me too.

From my sex ed days, I remember the teacher putting a tampon in a glass of water and it expanded so fast and got so big I was mortified. I thought, there's no way I'm ever sticking one of those in me, envisioing this wad of cotton exploding inside my stomach!

ll
on Nov 21, 2004
Very amusing story, and you communicated it so well. Ours was also segregated, boys in one class, girls in another.
on Nov 22, 2004
Very strange how first sex education classes are virtually indistinguishable from biology and have very little to do with sex at all. It's like adults seem to think they can talk their way around sex. In all my sexual experience I have never been in a situation so perverse that the fallopian tubes have been involved in any way, shape or form
on Nov 22, 2004

 

thankyou so very, very much everyone for the comments. i love it when an old experience triggers similar memories in others. sex education in schools will always be an embarrassing part of life.

and for those of you with similar coloured-genitalia experiences, what can i say, here i was thinking i suffered alone !

mig XXXXX

on Nov 22, 2004

I have never been in a situation so perverse that the fallopian tubes have been involved in any way, shape or form


keep up the good work!  if the current trend holds, therell be no fallopian tube virgins left. 

on Nov 22, 2004
Mine didn't come in polka dot. Should I ask God for a new one?
on Nov 22, 2004

Mine didn't come in polka dot. Should I ask God for a new one


thats why god invented food coloring n tattoos

on Nov 22, 2004
oh i knew exactly who was responsible for this title.


right on. I said to myself, either the firewalls are becoming too easy for spammers..or it's mignuna.
catchy title for a provocative article. Kudos!
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