... issues and tissues with a touch of the spicy from the spirit hag ...
... aka 'so, what are you doing after you die ?'
Published on December 5, 2004 By mignuna In Pure Technology

 

The majority of us have some vague idea what will organically occur after our demise, but the rest of it seems to be a bit of a no-no, conversation wise. I know this is a strange question, but have you ever given any thought to what will become of your remains when you die ?.

 

Chances are, even if you have given it careful thought, based on typical western thinking, you will have arrived at one of two conclusions: burial or cremation.

 

To be honest, I find neither appealing. (Although this is only because I’m studying those options as a live person, rather than a corpse). Being buried under the ground or burned are things I have, quite naturally, avoided in life, and I am contemplating perhaps avoiding them in death too.

 

A dead human body is no different from any other dead organism. It must be either disposed of or left to break down organically. Yet the fact that this dead organism had a face and a family makes it very difficult to see it as anything other than the ‘person’ it used to be.

 

So, what choices can you make while you’re still healthy and sane ?. What options do you have for your corpse ?. What will you be doing after you die ?.

 

There are a number of ways to turn the ‘stiff’ that used to be you into something other than the contents of a pine box or decorative urn for the mantelpiece, and one of them is to turn yourself into human compost.

 

Simply have a scientist freeze-dry your cadaver in liquid nitrogen and then flatten it. The result is a fine, dry, odourless powder that is rich in trace minerals. This powder can be placed under shallow soil in a biodegradable container with a tree to mark the spot and to feed on the nutrients you supply.

 

Or, if you’d rather achieve some posthumous fame, you could help solve a murder (hopefully not your own, though) by donating your remains to ‘The Body Farm’. Located in the University of Tennessee Medical Centre, this land plot has up to 20 bodies in various states of decay in an open-air environment.

 

Using this ‘body farm’, trainee forensic psychologists are able to study the rate and type of human decomposition in a way never before available to science. Over 100 murders have been so far solved using this unique venture, and there are plans to expand the research to further sites in 2006.

 

If neither of those options tickle your fancy, you could always take 'the action hero route' and donate your body to motor vehicle safety research as a ‘stunt cadaver’. Just imagine ... you could be strapped into a car that gets driven off a cliff. Or impaled on a steering column. Or be dropped head first through a windscreen. Woo hoo !. Stunt driver !.

 

Still not for you ?. Well how about something a bit more glamourous ?. If you don’t have any family jewels to bequeath to your loved ones, you could always try becoming one yourself. Simply design and have made a ring or pendant with a space for a gem, and leave this to a loved one.

 

After your death, a laboratory can extract the carbon from your body and, using high pressure and high temperatures, can turn you into a diamond in about 4-5 months. The average human body yields enough carbon to produce a diamond of anything between .25 to a full 1 carat, which a jeweler can then fit to the item you left behind.

 

See ?. You can actually have heaps of fun and be very active after you die. Don’t buy into that ‘traditional’ death palaver !. Shine on, you crazy diamonds

 

 

 

 


Comments (Page 2)
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on Dec 05, 2004
Well....I guess the buffet will be open then!
on Dec 05, 2004
This might be a little off topic, but when i die i hope either one or both of these phrases apply when describing how i went out...

1. He died in a hail of Federale' bullets
2. His flattened, smiling corpse was pulled from underneath a pile of cheerleaders.

Nuff said!
on Dec 05, 2004
Great article; thank you! I have worried about this very thing and I think I have found my answers. Now I have a concrete plan! I say have your way with me after I'm dead (and NOT in that necrophiliac sort of way). But, assuming I haven't:
become an enlightened being and become radiant light

- well then of course cut me up, take whatever's still useful (at this rate it doesn't look like there'll be much), then put me in the farm and study the stages of my decomposition for a while. If there's anything left over after that, by all means freeze dry it.

Damn, I might be more useful in death than in life!
on Dec 05, 2004
When I grow up... I want to be a Cadaver!! lol
on Dec 05, 2004

thankyou so much everyone for answering ... and here i was worried that the subject matter would 'put you all off'. it seems most of us have considered the idea, even vaguely, and despite the morbid subject matter (pardon the pun), this is all very interesting stuff.

to the questions posed:

suz, i haven't decided yet, but i'm getting some more interesting ideas here !.

sabrina, i haven't yet read the book you mention (these ideas were in 'new scientist' magazine here - probably an excerpt from the book i'd guess) but i will be acquiring a copy at my earliest convenience. sounds fascinating.

kingbee, what are banana slugs ? *shudders*

greywar,  don't know about your business plan ... sounds like a bit of a marketing nightmare ! bwaaa haaaa

thankyou so much everyone. i'd like to thank you individually but this one got a bit big while i was alseep.

"smiling at 7.15am"

mig XXXXX

 

on Dec 05, 2004
Ah, being a diamond would be awesome...and when your offspring ask how you got it they could say, "Oh, my mom/dad had their carbon pressurized into a diamond....well, say hello".....heh heh, talk about an interesting dinner topic.

~Zoo
on Dec 06, 2004

kingbee, what are banana slugs ? *shudders*

behold the mighty banana slug! benevolent composter of its primeval coastal forest domain...and mascot of the university of california at santa cruz.  one of only one instance in the universe of mascot mirrorng perfectly the spirit it mascots.

on Dec 06, 2004
Zombie always tells me that he is taking me to a taxidermist, dressed in black leather dominatrix outfit, and motion sensored. When people walk by some of my most famous recorded sayings will play. He is a sick sick man.
on Dec 07, 2004
You know I've been thinking about that lately and haven't decided yet. The many ways and means are pretty interesting; carbon presurrized into a diamond?! That one gives a lot more food for thought. If I had my way though, and this may be selfish, I would have myself frozen to be waken up in the year 3010 or some year in the future.
on Dec 07, 2004
Sorry I missed this one when it was first around Migs..
I wanna be burned.. its easier and takes up less room.. plus apparently better spiritually cause it supposed to help take away some attachments to the physical..??
Dont like the Banana slugs..eww!
on Dec 08, 2004

I wanna be burned.. its easier and takes up less room.. plus apparently better spiritually cause it supposed to help take away some attachments to the physical..??


phoenix, i have heard that also. (it's amazing how much information there actually is on this kind of stuff once you look for it). but i'm still not convinced about cremation - somehow i just can't bear the thought.


Dont like the Banana slugs..eww!


indeed, phoenix. i too am gagging over the wonder that is the banana slug. ugh !. suggest that the banana slugs are never spoken of again !


If I had my way though, and this may be selfish, I would have myself frozen to be waken up in the year 3010 or some year in the future


i think a lot of people feel that way, foreverserenity. i just worry that there may not actually be a future to wake up in ?.


Zombie always tells me that he is taking me to a taxidermist, dressed in black leather dominatrix outfit, and motion sensored. When people walk by some of my most famous recorded sayings will play. He is a sick sick man


ah, he sounds like a very healthy man who knows what he likes to me, heather. lucky, lucky you


behold the mighty banana slug! benevolent composter of its primeval coastal forest domain


ewwwwww !. arrrggggh ! ick. blah. oh yuck, oh kingbee, that is the most revolting thing i have ever seen (no, wait, i accidently met jimmy barnes once so that's not entirely true), but it's a close second.


Ah, being a diamond would be awesome...and when your offspring ask how you got it they could say, "Oh, my mom/dad had their carbon pressurized into a diamond....well, say hello".....heh heh, talk about an interesting dinner topic.


i agree, zoo. you can hold out your hand and announce "say hello to grandma !" hehe


mig XXX

on Dec 17, 2004
I will be cremated (against the wishes and doctrine of the Catholic Church) and my ashes will be spread upon the grave of my significant other. If my SO does not pass before me, my ashes will be kept in a fairly nondescript urn in a not-so-obvious respectful place to later be spread on that grave.

Kinda romantic, kinda practical, kinda frugal. (I'd always be with her, and I don't have to buy a second plot that would just eat up land from something more useful.)
on Dec 18, 2004

Kinda romantic, kinda practical, kinda frugal. (I'd always be with her, and I don't have to buy a second plot that would just eat up land from something more useful.)


pseudosoldier, i like the way you think . these sound like good plans to me - i may have to re-think some of my ideas now !


mig XXX

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