If you don't wanna be married then why stay married? GCJ

i dont think its the fact u discontinue to want a marriage, but more that routine has set in, people think that this is it, this is who i married, this is my life..... I bet u love him with all ur heart, and maybe all u need to do is find that man u fell in love with, and allow him to find you.... go back to basics, and appreciate what u do have, a home, a man who loves u, and whom u love aswell.....Marriage dosent have to be mundane...... And as for the Sex in early hours of the morn, be aggressive, dont take no for an answer, a few midnight romps, raunchy weekends away, sex in the backseat, moonlit walks at 1am... he may have a better understanding of your need for spontanious events......

Remember, hes a male, males never understand what psychological trauma we are going thru from one day to the next...... Thats what we have our girlfriends for....lol... a girl never ceases to understand

by the way are u a scorpio???? u sound like one.....
scorpNZ

i'm a virgo. so they tell me. i can't even be a predictable star sign. sigh. but thankyou, scorpio-chick. you're fairly close to the mark

it's a nasty world out there, GCJ

just out of curiousity, do you think your husband is going to read this? Or do you subconsciously want him to read this? just a thought

Maybe you just have to take a step back and arrange your life.

My husband and I are very different. We both like to do things, but they are very different things. He is into race cars and snowmobiles, and well, anything that is mechanical. I, however, am into art (stained glass, photography, etc.)

We both do our own thing, but then also share our togetherness. There are very few days that we are actually awake together for more than a few hours.

you can have your personal life and your married life- you just have to figure out how to fit it in your life. Considering that I work full time and am also a Mom, I can assure you that it is possible if you work at it.

You should never feel that your marriage is dragging you down. If you feel that way, you need to change something.

KarmaGirl, you and your hubby sound exactly like us. except you have embraced the positives. thanks for your words.

Hey mignuna, I read alot of my own screamings in your words. It's cool to know that someone else out there is going through this duality of feelings. I sometimes wonder if I should end this charade (and thats how it feel sometimes), but I think I really just wonder if there is enough of 'me' left in me to make it on my own anymore, and that causes me to fear our relationship. It seems as though in the beginning I was spending so much time discovering what we had in common, and now i'm into the differences. And there are alot, just like you two.

I personally disagree with KarmaGirl, but only in the part about it being wrong to feel bad about your marriage. I might be wrong, but I didnt really hear in your words that you really deep down felt that it was wrong, or dragging you down. I'm not sure that I can explain myself clearly here, I just know how I feel and how I think you feel, (I'm conjecturing here, can you tell?) I know that sometimes I question myself, and wonder if I am not losing focus on things that are truly important to me, that really make me who I am. That I am sometimes at odds with my own life and lifestyle.

Maybe I should just stop there, that way if I am way too far off, no one really has to follow me on a wild goose chase.

I was not emjoying parts of marriage at first because I felt like I had to keep an immaculate house. I hate cleaning and I hate a messy house. Even more, I hate other people's messes if I have to clean them or exist in them. I was always cleaning and not having time to enjoy what I wanted to do, while he was out playing sports etc.

Then my mom gave me some good advice, "Get used to dirt."

opheliasdestiny ... hel-lo sister ! . that was no wild goose chase, in fact it was pretty spot on. nobody is oppressing me. it all comes from within and it brings such guilt. other women amaze me with their smooth passage through all this shit. i too wonder if i should remove myself. but from what ?. and for what ?. and would it really be any different anyway ?. it's like: everywhere i go, there i am. keep in touch ophelia. . "v"

Every couple goes through this (believe me he has had these thoughts as well or soon will ) Just let it ride out .... Most of the reason for divorce is people do not understand that They will go through times like this .....

Reply By: momijikiPosted: Thursday, January 15, 2004I was not emjoying parts of marriage at first because I felt like I had to keep an immaculate house. I hate cleaning and I hate a messy house. Even more, I hate other people's messes if I have to clean them or exist in them. I was always cleaning and not having time to enjoy what I wanted to do, while he was out playing sports etc. Then my mom gave me some good advice, "Get used to dirt."

... i have to say, i just noticed momijikis' post hiding in there, and had a great belly laugh over it. your mum sounds like a total realist, momijiki. lucky you ! .

Hmm, well at least you are with the person u love.

A year ago i traveled 22.000km to be with the woman i love, and to try out
if we two can live together... become a family...House..kids the whole show.

And it didnt work, we fought and fought and stressed each other to the point where
suddenly everything exploded. I think i am very much like you mignuna, ... and she was
a very dominant person, with a clear vision of how her World had to be.
And in many ways we were very different, but especially she couldnt accept that there were things
i liked better than what she just suggested, ..... to accept that marriage can be something where you do a lot alone
..and at the end of the day you meet up with the balanced-happy person you fell in love with. Sounds like heaven.

....i would give everything for a 2nd try, ..to achieve acceptance of/by the one human on this planet
who i love.

But the train is gone, paradise was plundered and burned to the ground.
All the fruits on the fertile fields were ploughed under, and strewn with salt.

....i can only shed a tear.. and advise you to look at what you got, and talk to the person you love before
you get to the point of no return.

allthebest. -W.

weltregierung, yours is a very sad story, and all too familiar in todays' world. i do have an appreciation for all the good things about the man i love. part of the way i stay sane is to "vent". i hope healing comes swiftly for you. mig XX.

Perhaps this could be at the "root" of why you feel things are a bit "over" for you...

Cheers