Care to know what 'floats my boat' ?

Exactly what does 'the little chef' need to do to 'stir my sauce' ?

Could it be sexual gymnastics ?

Endless preening, posturing and posing perhaps ?

Expensive meals, good wine, luxurious backrubs maybe?

Or even bending over backwards to make me happy with endless romance, flowers, heart-warming films and other such essential accoutrements ?

Nah.

If you want to see me writhe in ecstasy and slink across the carpet towards you in a frenzy of uncontrollable lust, then make me a nice cup of tea, there’s a love.

I mean it.

I've never met a man that can make the perfect cup of tea, but the very moment I do, I am going to knock him to the floor and shag him senseless.

Why ? Why can’t they do it ? What’s wrong with you people ?

Why will men spend fifty bucks on a book about ‘how to find the g-spot’ or spend seven hours trawling the net for the perfect night out and yet refuse to spend five minutes learning how to make a cup of tea that doesn’t taste like they washed their socks in it ?.

Please, single men of the world, if you want sex, don’t worry about looking all poncy and smelling all good. Forget about being rich or famous. Just learn how to brew a halfway decent cup of tea and you’ll be three-deep in women begging for your favours.

Lose those cheesy pick up lines forever – I promise you’ll get all the lovin’ you want if you approach a woman and say “I have some great new Chai at home, would you like to try it ?”.

If you do this, women will have sex with you just so they will be there when you make tea the next morning !. They will !. And they’ll say things like: “Make me another cup of tea like this one, and I’ll drink it out of your navel”

Ask your Nana if you have to, but whatever you do, learn to make that tea ... how hard can it possibly be ?