my friend marco is smart. (so smart as to occasionally unintelligible, but i do my best).

it occurred to me recently whilst sharing a meal with him that his super computer mind would be an invaluable tool for those wishing to lose weight by being put off their food.

in the way of all highly intelligent persons, marco is unable to ‘dumb it down’ for us mere mortals and will tell me (as i am trying to ingest an unhealthily large portion of fried eggs) that i am consuming the menstrual product of a chicken.

exactly. i’d like to see YOU keep eating it after that. and it doesn’t stop there.

i should make a cd of him speaking whilst i try to eat. it’s revolting. and he doesn’t even know he’s doing it.

once i had a HUGE mouthful of hot dog and he looked at me and said ‘eyeballs’. before i had a chance to question him, he added ‘they make those out of the eyeballs, you know. and the feet, too ... the organs, like the brain and whatnot, also the other innards and scrap flesh’.

i threw it in the bin and had a hard time not vomiting on top of it.

(now, i’m socially awkward too. stupid things just seem to fly out of my mouth ... ‘you look pregnant, are you ?’, but i seem to be far less effective at making my dinner companions ill. i’m more of your social embarrassment type of friend. each to his own).

so, if you’d really like to be put off junk food for life, just let me know. i have someone you need to talk to .