facing 35 ... renovate or deteriorate ?

(thankyou psychx for the inspiration)

Published on May 4, 2004 By mignuna In Philosophy

i am 35 this year. it is officially time to make “the decision” ... will i gracefully surrender the appearance of youth ? ... or will i become a woman who gets a lot more than the kitchen remodeled ?.

there is just no denying it anymore ... things are happening here !. like some tiny continent, my body is shifting and changing. it’s comforting and strange all at once.

there is an eerily familiar cast to my “womans' " face ... like a living history, i make my paternal grandfather soft with tears each time he sees his long-dead mother in me; her smiling, softly lined face at 35 a mirror of the woman his “headstrong” granddaughter was to become.

there is some comfort within the shock of “first laughter lines” to realize you must have actually been laughing .... and, just like a lifemap, at 35 you start to get the face and body that you actually deserve.

there is nobody alive who could convince me that young people are not beautiful. at the peak of physical health and on the brink of adulthood, these are the people that change the world.

yet, i have to say i’m happy to hand over the “reins”. i’m sad for people who find that transition difficult, and i know many people do. but youth is only cruel in it’s “promise” if you see no purpose in actually being the person you devoted your younger years to becoming.

at 35, i am a result of part-genetics, part-lifestyle and part-learning ... in other words .... my choices and actions. every single one of them.

i now recognize that i have no way of knowing which of my “triumphs” were actually that ... i look back at the times i “won” ... the times i “looked the best” ... the times i “outsmarted” someone ... the times i knew i “had the best car” and “the cutest hubby”. and i can’t help but feel that none of those things really gave me very much in terms of development.

the times i “lost”, though ... the times my hubby “perved” out the window at a woman years younger then me ... the time i got very ill and very thin and had to face a lot of public misunderstanding (especially from women) ... all the times i felt too stupid or too unattractive or too pale or just too not good enough for this critical world ... yep, you guessed it ... those are the things that are holding me up now. those are the things that made me.

disliking my age is denying the person i might still become (not to mention it also means i would have wasted my life so far). i am a long way from finished with this world. and i am not about to waste a single minute wishing that i was “who i used to be” ... physically or otherwise.

entangling your appearance with your self-worth can have nothing but damning consequences under the spotlight of ageing. what lies within you at 35 becomes almost unbearably important ... i am more and yet less than i ever was. i’ve added it all up ... and i’m not going to be asking for a refund anytime soon.

i earned my first wrinkles ... can i call them stripes ? ... they can’t help but convey an emotionally rich life well-lived simply by existing. and they also send an important message to anybody who might care ...

... i’m becoming the woman i spent my youth learning to be. and i like it. result.

Comments

notsohighlyevolved

on May 04, 2004

Yay, I get here first. Your writing could be the distillation of those years. A fine malt, refined and warm on the tongue (ahem... ears), a tumbling undertone of all those things that lay beneath the lines. I like seeing through the veil of fine black print. I feel dazzled and it's not the screen and it's radiation. I think it could be you looking at a screen getting me to look at myself looking at you. I hope you know who this is otherwise nausea and a swift kicking may follow. If i can keep on reading, either would be fine.

JeremyG

on May 04, 2004

Resist! Save the money, avoid the self-absorption. You'll be attractive for it!

cinnamonstone

on May 04, 2004

Interesting perspective...."handing over the reins" . Hmmm at 34 its seems a bit young to be considering something that drastic

I'm 38 and I can just feel all the reins slipping into my hands. I feel more together, happier, more attractive than I did 10 years ago. I also feel younger which is amazing to me. My research and work has depth and breadth and perhaps most importantly humor. I no longer worry like I used too, I freak out less, think before I speak more and the size of my ass no longer rules my life. I also don't care what people think of me, my good friends yes, but as for general opinion well...that's no longer of great import. It seems to me that finally my mental and emotional state matches the rest of me. My career is really getting going, my children are all doing well and I feel like for the first time in my life I like who I am and where I am. In most ways I'm just getting started. Yes youth is beautiful but YOU'RE young and so am I. I think men in they're thirties are fantastic, my friends have much to contribute to my life and I have something to say and some life experience to back it up with. I look forward feeling this way for a good while yet. I'll hand over the reins....maybe I'll never hand over the reins...

but not now!

Cheers!

dharmagrl

on May 04, 2004

I'll be 35 next month.

I LOVE it! I'm happier with myself than I ever have been in the past..I think I look better, I feel better, I'm comfortable in my own skin, finally. I know what I'm about, who I am.

I'm just taking control of the reins. I'm not about to hand them over to anyone else.

mignuna

on May 04, 2004

GIRLS !!!!!

it was a metaphor. at what point did i say i was ready to die ?

a was simply saying i do not intend to have plastic surgery.

the men got it. thanks jeremy and marco.

"misunderstood mig"

dharmagrl

on May 04, 2004

...I wasn't aware I said anything about dying....I was talking about taking control of your life, age, and appearance.

mignuna

on May 04, 2004

i have just been informed by my husband that i should not have uttered the phrase "handing over the reins". he said women would fixate on that phrase only .... he was right. *sigh*

taken out of context, as it is above, it does sound wrong.

but in the article, as jeremy and marco read it, it seemed to get the right message across.

all a matter of perception, i suppose. my apologies to the people who misunderstood.

mig.

mignuna

on May 04, 2004

ladies and gentleman ... for those that missed it, may i present my point:

disliking my age is denying the person i might still become (not to mention it also means i would have wasted my life so far). i am a long way from finished with this world. and i am not about to waste a single minute wishing that i was “who i used to be” ... physically or otherwise.

thankyou. mig

notsohighlyevolved

on May 04, 2004

I seem to have understood this article even though i am at the green, smoky age age of 27. Don't thow me on the fire yet, I'll get in your eyes and throat, irritation all round. If mignuna throws away the reigns, it will never be forgiven, but i don't think that she thinks she ever held any. It was a mark of respect for youth, for its nuclear energy, its sweep and generalisation, something she is no longer capable of given her experience and character (things gained with age and with the move away from the body, from an appreciation of the house we live in, rather than its occupation and trashing, as all people who have lived a little will testify). I think that singularity, a definition is what becomes beautiful with age, a being that no one else can inhabit or understand at face value. The clothes will not tell it, nor the bar you go to. You wear it in your eyes and give it in the words you impart. Age in people who appreciate it is a gift to others as well as those who possess it

imajinit

on May 04, 2004

i’m becoming the woman i spent my youth learning to be. and i like it.

what an incredibly healthy way to view things... you go girl!

mignuna

on May 04, 2004

notsohighlyevolved (aka my best buddy marco ... welcome

... thankyou. you are only too acutely aware of the fact that i have "lived" ... and can look back and smile.

and michael, meet marco while you're in here .... imajinit/michael ... there is another one of us ! ...

.

thanks for commenting michael. i always feel such relief when i know you "get" me. you're such a treasure

mig XX

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