aka the curse of having a parent who is much cooler than you are ;)
my mother is so funky that people wonder what “happened” to me. or didn’t happen.
everyone that meets her says exactly the same thing: “your mum is so cool !”. (they do not add “how on earth did you turn out so rampantly anti-social with this ray of sunshine for a parent ?” ... but they all think it.)
my husband and my mother get along so well that it almost pisses me off. they actually like each other. they’re friends. she spoils him rotten because she always wanted a son “just like him”. he calls her “mum” and he willingly talks to her on the phone. (i know. imagine !.)
last time she visited, we took her to the local yacht club for lunch (much less glam than it sounds). a friends’ band was playing and i was relaxed for once. until somebody pointed out to me that my mother was on the stage
i couldn’t even bear to look. i just hissed at my husband “phil, get her down”. but he said “would you just relax !. she’s not doing anything. well, she’s playing the guitar, but ...”
having no other choice, i did try to relax. and it was working
until the lyrics of the song i was trying to listen to to avoid looking at my mother turned from something like “because her mother was my lover she said that’s going too far” into “vanessa, come get your mother. she’s playing more than my guitar !”
and people booed at me when i made her get down !
as i was dragging her back to the table where i could keep an eye on her, i heard from the stage: “would you just relax, nessy ! ... she wasn’t really”
i left mum with phil and our 30-ish neighbour cate while i went to the bathroom. by the time i came back, my mother was nowhere to be seen.
before i could ask, cate pointed at her husband renny. on the dancefloor. with my mother. they were doing some type of dance that seemed to involve a lot of joining hands above their heads and waving them around.
i swear cate was astonished as i was. gasping with laughter, she choked out “what is it that they’re doing there ?”. i was mortified. i said “cate, i don’t know. but if you go get renny then she might stop it”.
between further fits of honking with laughter, she managed to tell me “well, actually i sent renny up there to get her ‘cause she was dancing with that awful man over there with things in his beard and i thought you’d be mad if you came out and saw her”
i stood up to get mum again but cate put her hand on my arm and said “oh, she’s only having a good time ... you worry so much ... would you just relax !”