dying to be thin

... get a problem, sister

Published on July 15, 2004 By mignuna In Health & Medicine

celebrity anorexics annoy me. i can't help it. i know anorexia is real. i know it's a disease. i know they apparently can't help it. but i don't care. i think they can.

and whilst i have nothing but sympathy for young women (and men) who become ill in this way as a result of trauma or a difficult upbringing, i have nothing but contempt for young (in particular female) "celebrities" who cannot accept the natural development of their female bodies, and behave as if being feminine is a disease.

it made me fume when i heard about the "team of top mental health specialists" attending to a female celeb (who has elected to make herself ill by refusing the plentiful nourishment available to her, and in actuality only deserves a kick in her spoilt bottom and perhaps a few slaps with reality for setting such a poor example to millions of women worldwide).

i wonder where might those "top mental health specialists" be better off spending their time ?. and how many patients with involuntary mental disorders lacked for assistance whilst the world was pandering to this brat ?.

and why would a slim, rich, attractive, successful young woman feel the need to resort to starving herself or abusing drugs in order to maintain a childishly "skeletal" frame anyway ?.

why indeed.

women can blame men or the media for as long as they want, but the sad truth is, nothing much will change about the "thin is beautiful" culture until the women themselves start living out their own truth. as long as there are women that align "beauty" with "thin" and are willing to starve for it, there will be other women who become ill trying to emulate them.

every famous woman that punishes her body for being feminine sends a clear message about what she believes to be "desirable". this exposes her true self-opinion and susceptibility to negative influence, and also usually reflects what she thinks "society" expects from her.

a woman who likes herself the way she is will have the self-confidence to reject unrealistic ideals. because that's all they usually are. not expectations, but ideals. and self-imposed ideals at that. i can think of few things less attractive than a woman lacking the confidence to be a complete and honest person in every sense.

if you're a woman and you like and accept yourself, you are considered a minority in this world. so, next time, before you throw any more self-loathing at that mirror, just think for a moment about whose fault that awful truth really is.

ps: please read this carefully before you comment. i am not blaming anorexics. i am blaming celebrity anorexics for refusing to let their bodies "blossom" and treating femininity like a disease. thanks.

Comments (Page 1)

Sally jacobs

on Jul 15, 2004

Miggggggggggggggg! I feel slightly ashamed! I am an averagely sized lass (size 10 in UK) and that is a prett healthy size, but it is pushed in our faces that stick thin women are sooooooo attractive, but that isn't the case! *ahem* divert your eyes boys please.....I LOVE MY BOOBS....ahh I feel better hehe! If I had one of them stick thin figures, I would not have the glorious boobies I have today, hehe! They would be missed,s o i am happy with that, though in a perfect world my bum would have slightly less bounce, and me more steel like, but that's just a personal goal, all in all I like how I look, and won't be changed by some barbie! Join me in sayin girls........."I'm a woman and I'm beautiful the way I am" Hehe! I'm hyperactive, please ignore me!

Floozie

on Jul 15, 2004

Oh my. For once I am going to have to disagree with you mig!

and why would a slim, rich, attractive, successful young woman feel the need to resort to starving herself or abusing drugs in order to maintain a childishly "skeletal" frame anyway ?.

As I'm sure you're well aware, anorexia isn't about being thin. It's about control. Having been mildly anorexic for almost two years in my late teens I can vouch for this from first hand experience. And when I had it people were asking 'Why would a smart, pretty, popular girl feel the need to starve herself?' It wasn't rational at the time - as mental disorders tend not to be - but there were so many other factors in my life which I felt were forced upon me, giving me no choice, that this was the one thing I could control. And who are we to say that this isn't what's occuring with this young lady?

a woman who likes herself the way she is will have the self-confidence to reject unrealistic ideals

A very good point. But as you say, how many women really like how they look? I know that this celebrity has chosen to be in the business, I realise that she is responsible for how she deals with her status, but it doesn't mean that she's any happier than the next person - even though she has more money. And it certainly doesn't mean she likes herself.

I agree that the reed thin celebrities set a poor example to girls and women. I agree that it is not attractive to be shaped like an adolescent boy when infact you are a women. But I think that some compassion needs to be shown - even in cases like this. If she is going through anything near what I went through, she in not behaving like a 'brat'. She is actually facing a really tough time in her life where the simple act of eating can make or break you.

But to brighten up this comment a little, now that I have this stage years behind me, I am happy with my curves, and, like Sal, my boobs. And while I can't say I'm 100% happy with how I look, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin.

Suz xxx

Floozie

on Jul 15, 2004

how many patients with involuntary mental disorders lacked for assistance whilst the world was pandering to this brat ?.

Sorry to waffle. Are you suggesting that anorexia is voluntary? Because while it can start out that way ('I'm too fat, so I'm going on a diet') it gets out of your control. You can't help it. And you need a lot of help getting out of it. I agree that other people could use the help that she is getting, but sadly money makes the world go round, doesn't it? She has the resources to pay for treatment, so treatment she gets.

I have an enormous beef with the unfair distribution of mental health services. Having done crisis centre work - where the worst cases tend to be shoved at inexperienced people, like myself, as properly trained practitioners charge massive fees which they can never afford - I get REALLY angry about the fact the the people in society who are worst of (especially the homeless - a large proportion of whom are homeless due to mental disorders) get the least attention due to the almighty dollar. It is a problem with society which needs to be changed. You can't blame this girl for getting what she needs with money that she has.

Sorry - rant over now.

Suz xxx

mignuna

on Jul 15, 2004

all in all I like how I look, and won't be changed by some barbie! Join me in sayin girls........."I'm a woman and I'm beautiful the way I am" Hehe! I'm hyperactive, please ignore me!

you're not hyperactive, sal, you're great. women are supposed to like themselves. and you are beautiful the way you are, inside and out.

Oh my. For once I am going to have to disagree with you mig!

oh, gasp !. that's ok !. it's allowed, you know

firstly suz, i'm sorry that you had to go though that. i'm in no way implying that what happened to you wasn't real. i was trying more to get across the negative public message sent by these celebrities when they use bodily abuse as a means of "control", which sets an example for other young women to use the same methods to attain the same "success" that they had.

i noticed that you omitted the word "rich" from my quote above, and that was actually a very relevant part of the whole statement. the fact that this young woman is an example of "having it all" in the eyes of many young women was a major part of the reason why she may be considered "successful" enough to look up to.

If she is going through anything near what I went through, she in not behaving like a 'brat'. She is actually facing a really tough time in her life where the simple act of eating can make or break you.

that may be true, but suz, you're applying your own compassionate grounds to somebody who has a responsibility. you didn't give thousands of young women ideas about how to "control" their lives or their weight with drugs and self-hate. you only harmed yourself, and chances are, because of "famous" women like these, you didn't get taken seriously.

But to brighten up this comment a little, now that I have this stage years behind me, I am happy with my curves, and, like Sal, my boobs. And while I can't say I'm 100% happy with how I look, I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin.

i can tell that you are, and i am so very glad. there is no greater gift to yourself than acceptance, suz.

Sorry to waffle. Are you suggesting that anorexia is voluntary? Because while it can start out that way ('I'm too fat, so I'm going on a diet') it gets out of your control

suz, (am i allowed to say that i'm very happy to have this input from you, and i'm pleased that we're communicating this freely ?. cool ! hehe. ok), you stated above that anorexia can start out as an "i'm fat" issue and then snowball, yet you did state in your first comment that anorexia isn't about weight, it's about control. i'm with you in that young women can select this as a method of "controlling" something, anything, and that this control can become addictive. but i maintain that the reason for these motivations and choices is the deep-rooted fear that fat is "ugly", that nobody will "love" you, that you're less attractive or valuable because you're "fat". society re-inforces these beliefs until young women feel that the elusive "happiness" will be theirs if they were only thin. and a popular celebrity adding approval to this type of thinking can be all a young person may need to encourage them to take the same route.

I agree that other people could use the help that she is getting, but sadly money makes the world go round, doesn't it? She has the resources to pay for treatment, so treatment she gets.

sadly, suz, i can do nothing here but agree and wish it were different. i guess this says a lot about the priorities of some medical practitioners though, huh ?. it was a frustrated point i made, wasn't it ?. *sigh*

I have an enormous beef with the unfair distribution of mental health services. Having done crisis centre work - where the worst cases tend to be shoved at inexperienced people, like myself, as properly trained practitioners charge massive fees which they can never afford - I get REALLY angry about the fact the the people in society who are worst of (especially the homeless - a large proportion of whom are homeless due to mental disorders) get the least attention due to the almighty dollar. It is a problem with society which needs to be changed. You can't blame this girl for getting what she needs with money that she has.

i am with you here again. suz, i'm not surprised to hear that you have done crisis centre work. i wish i had the strength and/or the capabilities. the mis-distribution of mental health rescources is only a dollar issue like everything else. still, maybe the recent glamourisation of anorexia will win it some "trendy" points and get it some more funding. and then maybe no more beautiful young women will fall ill. thankyou suz, your very good points gave me some real insight, and i'm joyful for your recovery.

mig XX

Poetmom99

on Jul 15, 2004

Wow, Mig, I usually enjoy and agree with your articles, but I'm going to have to TOTALLY disagree with you on this one. I lost a friend to anorexia/bulimia, and I firmly believe that it is a disease of both the body and mind. Even when my friend began to believe that she needed to eat and gain weight, there was still a part of her mind that wouldn't let her....telling her that she was fat and ugly, and needed to diet. It was the most depressing, scary thing I've EVER seen in my life!!

I know that this celebrity has chosen to be in the business, I realise that she is responsible for how she deals with her status, but it doesn't mean that she's any happier than the next person - even though she has more money. And it certainly doesn't mean she likes herself.

ITA.....no one can really know what's been going on in her head. Just because it looks like she has it all, and SHOULD be happy....that doesn't mean she truly is.

the fact that this young woman is an example of "having it all" in the eyes of many young women was a major part of the reason why she may be considered "successful" enough to look up to.

And now, she can continue to be an example to young women, of the fact that appearing to "have it all" doesn't necessarily mean you're a happy person. I've discussed this with my daughters at length, because they both are big fans.....they are very sad for her, and wish her a speedy recovery to health and true happiness.

that may be true, but suz, you're applying your own compassionate grounds to somebody who has a responsibility.

This young girl is human, just like the rest of us, with flaws and imperfections....seems to me you're expecting too much of her--and those unrealistic expectations, from people around her, could well be one of the triggers to her problem. I don't believe in setting celebrities up as role models just because they are celebrities.....model yourself after someone who has actually done something worth modeling....something to benefit other people.

mignuna

on Jul 15, 2004

theresa, i do agree with you. that was my point, but i failed to make it very well. i'll have to copy some of the comment i made to suz about this same issue: ... "you stated above that anorexia can start out as an "i'm fat" issue and then snowball, yet you did state in your first comment that anorexia isn't about weight, it's about control. i'm with you in that young women can select this as a method of "controlling" something, anything, and that this control can become addictive. but i maintain that the reason for these motivations and choices is the deep-rooted fear that fat is "ugly", that nobody will "love" you, that you're less attractive or valuable because you're "fat". society re-inforces these beliefs until young women feel that the elusive "happiness" will be theirs if they were only thin. and a popular celebrity adding approval to this type of thinking can be all a young person may need to encourage them to take the same route"

that was my attempted point. not to say anorexia wasn't real. i was trying to say that the negative public message sent by these celebrities when they use bodily abuse as a means of "control" sets an example for other young women to use the same methods to attain the "success". and, as your friend did, and sadly suz also, women are made to feel that they are just not good enough for the world unless they attain some impossible ideal.

again i agree with you, theresa. i wish i had made my point plainer. ah, the benefits of hindsight huh ?

. anyway, i support you 100% in your comment that (a lot of) celebrities make poor role models, yet the shame of this is that it never stops young people following and emulating them regardless. and i think the insinuations of drug abuse also get my goat big time. i don't think any type of "life pressure" can justify damaging young minds in that way. and the fact that both yourself and suz have been affected (albeit in very different ways) by this disease just makes me even more upset for the thought of the damage it can do to women.

theresa, i want to make a point of thanking your for this comment. i do have a bit of a log in my eye about this issue. the way i go on you'd never guess i was on the same side as you. i just get so frustrated when i see people ruled by things they can never have any real control over, and celebrities encouraging it. i also want to thank you for your honesty and compassion here. i regret any insinuation i may have made that could hace distressed you for the memory of your dear friend, it was not intended. peace to you,

mig XX

Floozie

on Jul 15, 2004

i'm in no way implying that what happened to you wasn't real

I realise this. I hope you don't think that I was taking what you said as a personal slight!

but i maintain that the reason for these motivations and choices is the deep-rooted fear that fat is "ugly", that nobody will "love" you, that you're less attractive or valuable because you're "fat".

You know what - having the benefit of distance from the situation, I have obviously also forgotten a lot of the other stuff that was going on in my head in relation to this disorder. I did think that I was fat and ugly. I did think that this made me less worthy of love. I suppose I have forgotten all this because I have boiled the whole experience down to what I believe to be the crux of the issue. I did also read a lot of magazines at the time - looking at how model's thighs didn't touch - not even right at the top - and thought that unless mine did the same I was fat. I used to study myself in the mirror religiously, pin pointing the spots which made me so 'disgusting'. So yes - it is obviously about weight. I can't believe I tried to suggest that it isn't *blush*

I do agree that the media can play a role in the development and continutation of the disease. I still can't agree with placing so much responsibility on one person's bony shoulders though. I don't know who we're referring to either. I don't keep up with the news as well as I should! Which is why I don't understand the next point -

a popular celebrity adding approval to this type of thinking can be all a young person may need to encourage them to take the same route.

Has she been advocating anorexia and drug abuse? Or do you think she appears as though she approves of them through publicly battling with these demons?

i wish i had the strength and/or the capabilities

You know the thing about doing crisis centre work? It actually makes you stronger. I didn't think I could do it. I was working at the Wayside Chapel in Kings Cross so we had the continual stream of drug addicts, prostitutes and everyone else in between. And the simple act of listening to them and sharing a cup of tea made such a difference to them that it HAD to make a difference to you. These were people who literally had no one else to turn to. In a way I almost became addicted to it. Sure, there were depressing times, and people died or you tried to help people who obviously didn't have the resources to accept your help, but so many people expressed such warmth and gratitude that you just wanted to do more. I really miss it. It made me stronger by seeing how much these people have been through and how positive they could still be even though life had given them a pretty harsh deal. It puts your own life into perspective, big time.

(am i allowed to say that i'm very happy to have this input from you, and i'm pleased that we're communicating this freely ?. cool ! hehe. ok),

This is what you were talking about in your argument blog, right? The fact that people can have different opinions and voice them without being insulting or trying to force the other person to change. It's great!

And now, she can continue to be an example to young women, of the fact that appearing to "have it all" doesn't necessarily mean you're a happy person.

Goot point, Poetmom. Maybe her example will be able to show the kids that behind the perfect illusion things aren't always perfect. There is such a problem with society demanding perfection from everyone, that if we don't achieve it we feel a failure. It is good for kids to know that you are not a failure if you don't meet these foolish standards and that everyone has tough times. It's what being human is about.

Phew! This has worked out the old grey matter. It's been a while since I've tried to form a coherent argument. I've probably contradicted myself a million times, but that also tends to happen when you are emotionally attached to a topic. I'm glad you wrote this blog migs.

Suz xxx

mignuna

on Jul 15, 2004

I realise this. I hope you don't think that I was taking what you said as a personal slight!

no suz, i would never assume that

I did think that I was fat and ugly. I did think that this made me less worthy of love. I suppose I have forgotten all this because I have boiled the whole experience down to what I believe to be the crux of the issue. I did also read a lot of magazines at the time - looking at how model's thighs didn't touch - not even right at the top - and thought that unless mine did the same I was fat. I used to study myself in the mirror religiously, pin pointing the spots which made me so 'disgusting'. So yes - it is obviously about weight. I can't believe I tried to suggest that it isn't *blush*

suz, can i tell you something, sister ?. i'm 5ft 8in and i weigh about 100 pounds. i look like a boy from the back. that you could ever think your beautiful female self to be ugly and fat is just a fucking crime !. don't blush, just be damned proud that you know yourself so much better now.

Has she been advocating anorexia and drug abuse? Or do you think she appears as though she approves of them through publicly battling with these demons?

i believe this young woman in question allowed it to be publicly understood that her problems were only emotional, but it was well known that she used cocaine to suppress her appetite if she was unable to "control" herself naturally. so of course this news have now reached the young fans. and i can't help but think that if young women will have liposuction and starve because "stars" do and "they look good", they probably will decide that drugs are a good idea to lose weight too if they hear that.

my mother and stepdad were married in the wayside chapel, suz !. the rev ted noffs married them (in 1980 ! lol) and it was the most surreal experience. i can't think why they chose it, but i'm glad they did. yep, the streetscape is pretty lively there.

Sure, there were depressing times, and people died or you tried to help people who obviously didn't have the resources to accept your help, but so many people expressed such warmth and gratitude that you just wanted to do more. I really miss it. It made me stronger by seeing how much these people have been through and how positive they could still be even though life had given them a pretty harsh deal. It puts your own life into perspective, big time.

i know what you mean. these days, i feel lucky to be just walking around healthy. i always promised myself i'd do something to help people in my life, and i never quite got there. i can almost picture you there, suz. what a marvel you are

yep !. this is exactly what i mean suz !. you three have added so much to this blog that i am regretting not expanding it further. i really enjoy this interaction, too, i can only hope for more of it

Goot point, Poetmom. Maybe her example will be able to show the kids that behind the perfect illusion things aren't always perfect.

absolutely agreed. thanks suz for highlighting this point. theresa, i wish more women saw it your way. thankyou again for your contribution.

thanks a million, suz. those sort of comments make this all worthwhile

mig XX

mignuna

on Jul 15, 2004

ps, i should reiterate this point, i really didn't make myself very clear. my apologies

. ok,

"and whilst i have nothing but sympathy for young women (and men) who become ill in this way as a result of trauma or a difficult upbringing, i have nothing but contempt for young (in particular female) "celebrities" who cannot accept the natural development of their female bodies, and behave as if being feminine is a disease".

and this one:

"i am not blaming anorexics. i am blaming celebrity anorexics for refusing to let their bodies "blossom" and treating femininity like a disease".

sorry for my not making that clearer in my initial post. anorexia is no joke, and i'm not trying to make it one. thanks

vanessa/mig XX

Floozie

on Jul 15, 2004

my mother and stepdad were married in the wayside chapel

That is SO COOL! I can definitely picture that. How sweet.

Now that we're on this topic I've decided to write a blog about my experience with anorexia. It's kind of cathartic to write about (and not just a little bit scary!)

Thanks again for being so thought provoking. I want to know who this woman is!

Suz xxx

mignuna

on Jul 15, 2004

That is SO COOL! I can definitely picture that. How sweet.

it was lovely. very pure and natural in an unusual way, which i'm sure you undertstand, suz. but a controversial choice at the time, that's for certain.

Now that we're on this topic I've decided to write a blog about my experience with anorexia. It's kind of cathartic to write about (and not just a little bit scary!)

it's good to have reached a point where you can consider it "something to write about", though. it is so obviously behind you, and i don't think it could hurt me to read up on the way you were feeling either ... i could use a touch more perspective maybe

Thanks again for being so thought provoking. I want to know who this woman is!

you're welcome ! right back at you !. and i was actually worried about the implications of drawing more attention to this by "naming names" (sounds so detective-show hehe), but i'll make certain to get the name to you another way if you're interested in reading more.

thanks again, suz *smooch*

mig XX

Floozie

on Jul 15, 2004

thanks again, suz *smooch*

Awww... another kiss from mig - people will start talking you know!

If you don't mind, email me the name - suzi_koch@hotmail.com

Ta babe

mignuna

on Jul 15, 2004

i am off to slumberland now, i will email first thing in the am, suz.

*smooch* ... let 'em talk !

mig XX

Poetmom99

on Jul 15, 2004

theresa, i want to make a point of thanking your for this comment. i do have a bit of a log in my eye about this issue. the way i go on you'd never guess i was on the same side as you. i just get so frustrated when i see people ruled by things they can never have any real control over, and celebrities encouraging it. i also want to thank you for your honesty and compassion here. i regret any insinuation i may have made that could hace distressed you for the memory of your dear friend, it was not intended. peace to you,

You're welcome, Mig. After reading your response, I understand a little more where you are coming from on this.....and don't worry, you didn't upset me. I've learned to deal with it now.

Poetmom99

on Jul 15, 2004

but it was well known that she used cocaine to suppress her appetite

Oh gosh, I missed this before....maybe we're not thinking of the same person, because I'd never heard this about the person I thought it was....time to go do some reading!!

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