... wham, spam, thank you ma’am ... porn alien style ?
there exists, according to the world weekly news, an astrophysicist by the name of dr paul winterhoof who believes that extra-terrestrials have utilised "the satellite transmissions that connect computers on the internet” to make email contact with the human race for the purposes of initiating sexual contact.
(if he is right, then the influx of “untraceable” porn spam that currently clogs millions of email inboxes the world over may not solely be blamed on your garden-variety scary norman-bates-on-bad-acid style pervert after all !).
dr winterhoof believes that the aliens view the internet as a more efficient way to directly recruit humans for an interplanetary breeding program designed to mate the human species with their own.
he claims that by using the internet as a first point of contact, aliens demonstrate their up-to-date understanding of the way humans socialise and do business; and it has also provided them with an altered way in which to infiltrate “our” society.
but it’s not all bad news. before you have nightmarish visions of being beamed up for a rather nasty experience reminiscent of sigourney a la mucus, take comfort from the good doc and his plug for the otherworldly would-be romeos'...
apparently they intend to focus on “willing” participants only.
phew. now that’s a relief. rather than kidnapping us and performing breeding “experiments” on us, these lunar lotharios are giving it the old earthly romantic touch. doctor winterhoof says they are “gentle and considerate” and show “more understanding than we have given them credit for".
awww. how sweet. maybe they can teach these male homo sapiens a thing or two about how to make a woman feel special. now that may even be worth suffering the odd (it’s easy, m’kay) anal probe for. ok, so far, so not so bad.
(until the doc adds that it is of course possible that they simply realize that they'll draw much less attention to themselves if they don’t go about zapping up good breeding humans willy nilly).
he claims that the messages are easy to spot. this seems to be because, despite the aliens' "inability to read or write english", they somehow consist almost entirely of “filthy” words and suggestions. (how ? did they guess ?). understandably then, apparently even the nastiest response provokes an assumption that you are interested.
in answer to the (ahem) “rising panic” over these (literal) space-invaders, the wise doc was good enough to leave us with some sage advice on how to keep ourselves nice, spock-style, when we next receive what we suspect may be a “wham, spam, thank you ma’am” email.
after tracing the source of some “alien gibberish” e-mails and claiming that his search led to a server connected to a u.s. air force satellite launched in early 1999, the doc issued the following grave warning to any would-be space groupies:
"unless you want a three-headed alien at your door with some high-tech sex toy, your best bet is to simply ignore these perverts."
oh, damn. so that means mean really might be from ...
*worldweeklynews website: Link