... no, that's not funny !
In my garden today, something bit me right on the ass.
There I was, just minding my own business, when some vile bug launched its' nasty little teeth square into my left butt cheek.
Stunned, I threw myself around the garden in a frenzy, slapping my own ass trying to kill the perpetrator, and trampling the garden bed I had just planted in the process.
My husband, who has been rendered unflappable via many such a crisis involving nature and myself since we moved here, merely looked up and calmly asked what I was doing.
My reply was to fling off my remaining garden shoe and tear off towards the house whilst attempting to simultaneously pull down my pants and whack the bug on my ass.
And he didn't even follow me inside to see why I was doing that !. He just kept pestering a tree stump he was trying to pull out !.
Once safely inside, I removed from my underwear the very mangled remains of my assailant: a wasp.
My ass, (as well as could be viewed from the very undignified pose I assumed in order to study it in the mirror), was resplendent with no less than five wasp stings.
To add insult to injury, my husband chose the precise moment that I adopted this pose to enter the house.
(The poor guy. I'm not sure what one is supposed to assume when one's wife bolts into the house slapping herself on the backside and ripping her pants off, but I'm fairly certain he wasn't expecting to see me doubled over examining my own backside in the mirror).
He had to put calamine lotion on my ass !. I had to bend over in his face !. Yes, that might sound like fun, but when your butt feels like a dragon is breathing on it, nothing matters but relief !.
So next time you hear the expression 'you're not big enough to make any difference', take a lesson from my wasp and use whatever you have.
Only, make sure you have an escape route. 
.