oops, i did it as well !

... posthumous embarrassment, statistical style

Published on September 17, 2004 By mignuna In Misc

The ‘proper’ terms for the ‘detailed causes of death’ that are recorded on official paperwork are, despite their morbid subject matter, actually kind of funny.

It stands to reason that a vague “motor vehicle accident” or “gunshot wound” is not enough information for statisticians, courts or government records.

The death certificates issued for public record contain brief factual descriptions on a need-to-know basis, yet there exists an expanded list of ‘detailed causes of death’ that is required for a whole range of things from statistical purposes to medical and climatical research.

Here, for your reading pleasure, is a few of the more, er, interesting official descriptions of causes of death:

Mortality - Accidental suffocation and strangulation in bed

Mortality - Animal-rider or injured in transport accident

Mortality - Assault by pushing from high place

Mortality - Bitten by rat

Mortality - Bitten or struck by crocodile or alligator

Mortality - Bitten or crushed by other reptiles

Mortality - Bus occupant injured in collision with pedestrian or animal

Mortality - Caught, crushed, jammed or pinched in or between objects

Mortality - Confined to or trapped in a low-oxygen environment

Mortality - Contact with blunt object, undetermined intent

Mortality - Contact with centipedes and venomous millipedes

Mortality - Contact with marine animal

Mortality - Contact with powered lawnmower

Mortality - Crushed, pushed or stepped on by crowd or human stampede

Mortality - Fall from tree

Mortality - Fall from, out of or through building or structure

Mortality - Fall involving bed

Mortality - Fall on or from ladder

Mortality - Fall while being carried or supported by other persons

Mortality - Fall on same level from slipping, tripping and stumbling

Mortality - Falling, jumping or pushed from a high place, undetermined intent

Mortality - Self-poisoning by and exposure to alcohol

Mortality - Other misadventures during surgical and medical care

Mortality - Overexertion and strenuous or repetitive movements

Mortality - Striking against or bumped into by another person

Mortality - Striking against or struck by sports equipment

Ah, the joy of the politically correct statistician !

Comments

Muggaz

on Sep 17, 2004

you morbidly sad person miggy!

I know there is some crazy stuff going on this world - but thats no reason to have so much death on the mind! you crazy cat!!!

(my sister had her baby

- blog coming soon

)

BAM!!!

Mackintosh

on Sep 17, 2004

Indeed, this will do wonders for my morbid sense of humour

dharmagrl

on Sep 17, 2004

I got a giggle out of them.....

"Oh, Mrs Fred, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband...how did he die?"

*sniff* "he was caught, crushed, jammed or pinched in or between objects! Waaah!"

LadyCleve

on Sep 17, 2004

Other misadventures during surgical and medical care

that one leaves so much to the imagination......

love the article!

mignuna

on Sep 17, 2004

you morbidly sad person miggy!

on the contrary, mug. i find this very funny !. (yes, yes, i know, i'm a crazy old bat hehe)

Indeed, this will do wonders for my morbid sense of humour

macky ! you ! check your email without delay, soldier hehe

*sniff* "he was caught, crushed, jammed or pinched in or between objects! Waaah!"

bwaaa haaaa dharma. it would be bad. you'd get no sympathy because everyone would be amused hehe

that one leaves so much to the imagination

yes, lots of room there, ladycleave hehe

love the article!

thankyou so much

vanessa/mig XX

BlueDev

on Sep 17, 2004

Ah, that was great mignuna. Oh the funny stories found in patient charts and such.

Thanks for the laughs.

dharmagrl

on Sep 17, 2004

Oh the funny stories found in patient charts and such.

Yes, Dev...seeing as you have inside information I'd imagine you'd have some good stories. Any chance of sharing?

BlueDev

on Sep 17, 2004

I would love to, but at the moment I was struggling thinking of ones I had seen (that weren't ones I was remembering from other joke sites and such). I will be thinking though, and if I come up with something will be sure to share.

citahellion

on Sep 17, 2004

A LONG time ago, when I was still doing temp work (back in like 1989 or so), I got a stint at a medical records company. Part of my job involved calling the insurance companies to find out why claims were being denied. In many cases it was because the insured had died, so I wrote "Patient Deceased" on the file.

After a fair number of these, I got tired of writing "Patient Deceased", so I started writing new things, like:

Patient died.
Patient croaked.
Patient shuffled off his mortal coil.
Patient kicked the bucket.
Patient has gone to a better world.
Patient is singing in heaven's choir.
Patient passed away.
Patient snuffed it.
Patient bought the farm.
Patient crossed over to the other side.
Patient pushing up daisies.
Patient no longer numbered among the living.

and so forth.
(Eventually someone found a couple of these alternative descriptions and I got in a little bit of trouble for it, but it was only a temp job anyway.)

mignuna

on Sep 17, 2004

Thanks for the laughs.

you are very welcome, bluedev

Yes, Dev...seeing as you have inside information I'd imagine you'd have some good stories. Any chance of sharing?

noe there's an idea dharma !

I will be thinking though, and if I come up with something will be sure to share

we will look forward to this, bluedev !

In many cases it was because the insured had died, so I wrote "Patient Deceased" on the file.

ah yes. how imaginative, citahellion !

Patient croaked.

hehe. croaked

Patient snuffed it.

bwaaaa haaaaa. snuffed it ?

(Eventually someone found a couple of these alternative descriptions and I got in a little bit of trouble for it, but it was only a temp job anyway.)

some people have no sense of humour, do they citahellion ?. i'd have praised you on your imagination !

mig XX

citahellion

on Sep 17, 2004

Actually, mig, if I recall correctly, the rebuke went something like "They're certainly imaginative and amusing, but we have to keep up our professional standards."

I do think that the person who had to call me on them rather liked them herself.

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