... issues and tissues with a touch of the spicy from the spirit hag ...
... don't know when i'll feel well again ...
Published on September 17, 2004 By mignuna In Travel

I once had the misfortune to be seated on a very full plane next to a big, hairy man with a fear of flying.

Being that Neanderthals are not in my target demographic, (and I women minus obvious upfront attractions were outside his), we did not initially engage in conversation. Instead, big hairy man attempted to gain himself the attention of a more brightly-plumed member of the fairer sex seated across the aisle, and I happily immersed myself in my book.

Then the plane took off.

Big hairy man suddenly turned an unbecoming shade of green and began to grip my forearm. I tried politely, then just plain rudely, to shake his hand off, but he merely leaned towards me and whispered desperately "I'm not the worlds' best flyer", upon which he grabbed an airsick bag and honked up the contents of his (quite considerable) stomach.

Appalled, and just resisting the temptation the tell the guy that he was in all probability not the worlds' best anything, I forgot the feelings of my fellow man and all that crapola and smashed the hell out of the call button until a trolley dolly came to deal with big hairy mans' copious emissions.

I endured three hours on a plane packed to the gills sitting eight inches away from a man who made noises that would startle your average Orangutan. I've never seen anyone puke that hard. I wouldn't have been surprised if I saw his shoes come out of his mouth. Headphones on, earplugs stuffed in my ears, sleep mask on in broad daylight to avoid seeing it, there I sat.

I should explain that I hate puking. I hate myself puking. I hate other people puking. I hate puke !. Despite being generally well mannered and usually quite kind, if anybody pukes I leave skid marks in my haste to get away from them. I swear I still have nightmares about big hairy man and his 'bleuuurrrghhh' 'bleuuuuchh' 'blaaaaaaawgh' noises. Ugh !.

I've never understood people who want someone to pat their back while they honk. The last thing I want is for anyone to see any more of me with my head in a toilet (and that's the best case scenario) than is absolutely necessary. Puking is not a group activity. And unless you happen to be a child, it shouldn’t require moral support. .



Comments
on Sep 17, 2004
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I once rode a plane where the woman sitting behind me did very much the same thing. We had some really bad turbulance on that flight. Instead of the woman grabbing my forearm, she gripped my seat back... well, I was just slightly taller than the seat, so the first time she did it, her fingernails dug into my scalp! Then she started puking... projectile puking... she hit my seat back and while I couldn't find any physical evidence, I'm sure some of it splattered on me. She went through three vomit bags...

Headphones on, earplugs stuffed in my ears, sleep mask on in broad daylight to avoid seeing it, there I sat.


That's all well and good but what you really need in that situation is a set of noseplugs!!!

When I was stationed in Korea the first time, I worked as a crewmember on an airplane. We would very often have flights at low altitudes where it gets really hot and bumpy. Our pilots loved to try and get the new guy sick all the time. The funniest time was when one pilot made the other puke! That was awesome!
on Sep 17, 2004

I feel your pain.  Having had children, I'm no longer a 'sympathy puker', but I used to be.  The mere thought of someone else upchucking in my presence would make me queasy, the sight of someone gagging would cause me to gag right along with them.


You are absolutely correct when you say that vomiting is not a group activity.  When I puke, I don't want anyone holding my hand, rubbing my back, making comforting noises or anything like that.  There's no dignified way to spew, so I'd rather do it in private. 


One thing that I have noticed though - on the rare occasion that I have thrown up in public there's always been a small child around to go "urrrggghhhh! Mummy!  That lady must have had peas and carrots for her lunch!"

on Sep 17, 2004
Mig...all I can say to that (and following our conversation) is...lmao.
on Sep 17, 2004
well, I was just slightly taller than the seat, so the first time she did it, her fingernails dug into my scalp!


oh, chip. ouch ! lol

Then she started puking... projectile puking... she hit my seat back and while I couldn't find any physical evidence, I'm sure some of it splattered on me. She went through three vomit bags...


chip, i shouldn't be laughing. that is soooo revolting. oh yuck !. if some of that guy's puke had've splattered on me, i'd have honked all over him for sure. one drop would have been all i'd have needed and hello, lunch. ouch, my side hurts from laughing !!!.


That's all well and good but what you really need in that situation is a set of noseplugs!!!


i'd have used them, too. i'd have used a bloody gas mask too, if they'd given me one. (hell, i'd have lobbed a diving helmet on if i could have !).

Our pilots loved to try and get the new guy sick all the time. The funniest time was when one pilot made the other puke! That was awesome!


oh chip, yuck. there goes my 'housewife specialty top gun style american pilot style fantasy'. damn. the visual on that is NOT appealing. pukefests !. bleeeerrrgh !

I feel your pain. Having had children, I'm no longer a 'sympathy puker', but I used to be.


oh dharma, lol. i have heard it said that once you have kids, you get better with bodily fluids !. ick !. (although, curiously, i am fine when our small godsons or neices/nephews are ill)

There's no dignified way to spew, so I'd rather do it in private.


my sentiments exactly. it feels bad enough, let alone with an audience !

One thing that I have noticed though - on the rare occasion that I have thrown up in public there's always been a small child around to go "urrrggghhhh! Mummy! That lady must have had peas and carrots for her lunch!"


this is gross, but true, dharma. there is always carrots. even if you haven't eaten any for ages, they are still always in it. oh yuck, i feel gross just typing this ! icky icky puke !


mig XX
on Sep 17, 2004
Mig...all I can say to that (and following our conversation) is...lmao.


*bows* .. why thankyou, kind sir. as you see, i am still awake ! .

mig XX
on Sep 17, 2004
*bows* .. why thankyou, kind sir. as you see, i am still awake ! .


Mig, you're nuts, go to sleep, sleep depravation isn't healthy, I should know, I suffered from insomnia. Now what a blast that was. Umm, wait, I'm supposed to discourage you, not encourage...meh, whatever, gonna have a hot bath now
on Sep 17, 2004
That is gross. I've never encountered puking on a plane, thank goodness for that. I hate the acid stench of puke, it's infectious, make everyone sick. I would hate to be the one puking in front of people, it's so embaressing.
on Sep 17, 2004
Sorry Mig, I wish I could say I feel your pain. What your article made me feel was ... I could feel Big Harry's pain - poor bugger (OK a teensy bit of sympathy for you too)...

JW
on Sep 18, 2004
Mig, you're nuts, go to sleep


yes, i am. and i eventually did sleep at about 5am, macky !

I should know, I suffered from insomnia. Now what a blast that was


now why doesn't that surprise me, macky ?

Umm, wait, I'm supposed to discourage you, not encourage


nah, you're supposed to encourage me, remember

meh, whatever, gonna have a hot bath now


hehe now everyone that reads this will imagine macky in the bathtub !!!! *swoons* *faints*



That is gross.


yes, raven, lol. it is !

I've never encountered puking on a plane, thank goodness for that.


yes, it is somewhat of an experience, raven !

I hate the acid stench of puke, it's infectious, make everyone sick. I would hate to be the one puking in front of people, it's so embaressing


exactly. i'd have gone and hid in the loo if it was me !

What your article made me feel was ... I could feel Big Harry's pain - poor bugger (OK a teensy bit of sympathy for you too)...


i know jay. it mustn't have been much fun for him, huh ? hehe


mig XX
on Sep 19, 2004
big hairy man and his 'bleuuurrrghhh' 'bleuuuuchh' 'blaaaaaaawgh'


Oh, thanks alot vanessa....you made ME puke
on Sep 19, 2004
Oh, thanks alot vanessa....you made ME puke


stePHen ! where have you been ?. i have so missed your comments ... like this one !

i hope you didn't puke too much. and if you did, i hope you puked on jesse

vanessa XXX