If you are of marriageable age, chances are you will eventually get accosted by ‘well-meaning’ relatives loudly enquiring as to when you will finally get off the shelf and bag yourself a spouse ‘whilst you still have a chance’.

I married at age 30 after fending off the above rude question for about a decade. Hence, I became rather adept at incorporating insults into my answers to said question. I have collected these responses over the years from various sources, and now present them for your pedantic pleasure.

TOP 10 ANSWERS TO THE QUESTION "WHY AREN'T YOU MARRIED YET ?"

10/        Well, I was hoping to still do something meaningful with my life.

9/          Because I just love hearing this question !.

8/          I’m just lucky, I guess.

7/          I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

6/          I really want to, but my lovers' spouse just won't go for it.

5/          Why aren't you more polite ?.

4/          I already have enough laundry to do.

3/          I think it may have something to do with this rash.

2/          My dog just didn't take to the last person I dated.

... and, the number one answer to the question "Why aren't you married yet ?" ...

1/         I'm against this whole trend towards 'user-pays' systems as a rule.