Do you give much consideration to your underwear ?.

(The reason I ask is that I have just been locked outside in mine, and this has given me pause for reflection).

Yes, I saw my husband to the door when he was leaving for work this morning, and as he stepped outside, he pointed out a huge bloom on a plant I had been coaxing into flowering for months.

As he called my attention to it, I stepped outside the door for just a moment to admire my flower, and it slammed shut. (The door, not the flower).

This is just my luck.

I shrieked after my (by this time starting his car) husband, and all he did was say “Do you want the newspaper ?”. At first I thought he meant to read, then I realised he was inferring I should cover myself with it.

He threw the rolled newspaper back up the driveway at me. It landed a few feet away and I left it sitting there.

“Come back here and open the door!” I hissed at him.

“I can’t” he said “My keys are inside. The back door is open”.

I recalled in horror that my husbands car starts with no key if you know how to ‘fiddle’ it.

I also realised at that point that I was going to have to ‘make a break for it’.

Inching off the porch, as low to the ground as possible, I made a grab for the newspaper and shredded the wrapping like a woman possessed. I split the paper at the middle section, placing one half ‘behind’ me and one in front, and then tore up the driveway to the safety of the backyard.

It occurred to me then how very personal a choice underwear is.

Underpants, specifically.

I pondered what my neighbours might have (ass)umed had they witnessed my underpant-clad wrestle with the newspaper and subsequent furtive dash down the driveway.

Chances are, based on my choice in underpant, that they would have reached the conclusion that I am a crushing bore. They would be mostly right, too. (I said mostly).

You can tell a lot a about a person by their preferred style of under-chunders. For example, I have never much gone for those tight-fitting ‘look-at-my-bulge-baby’ type of undies on men. To be frank, I think they look damned silly, and they’re bad for male reproductive health anyway.

I also abhor those ‘joke’ boxer shorts you see everywhere. Some of them glow in the dark, some of them have ‘cheeky’ sayings on them, some of them even bear badly-placed cartoon characters whose heads become oddly distorted by the wearers’ ‘bits’, but all of them are made of a cheap, nasty satiny material guaranteed to make even the most hygienic man smelly and sweaty.

Your underpants can tell people so much about you !. What have yours got to say ?