i see dead people it’s true. every day i talk to them. they serve me in stores. they deliver my mail. they read the news on tv. they’re everywhere . all of them. all dead. every last one. most of my friends have been dead for years . the only thing that seems to keep them from collapsing into a pile of dust is that they apparently don’t know yet. scary, that. before you write me off as some paranoid-delusional sceptic (you’d be half right), allow me to blow the dust off an issue t...

jesse likes me. other people do too. but him i like back. it made me wonder why. now i know ... * sing ...he likes me for me ... not because i'm phat like cindy crawford *. . ahem. but i digress. jesse made me realise something. (it was an accident hehe. but he still did it, so it counts). usually, if somebody new that i meet likes me, it's because they think i’m “different” or “interesting” or something ... ... i, however, would prefer those that i am close to actually being ab...

the laughing assassin is the person who says whatever they like to anyone, then blames their victims’ lack of humour or “oversensitivity” for the offence they cause. the laughing assassins’ take on life is this: "i will continue to pour forth my “jokes” with no apparent thought to the fact that nobody ever laughs. if i upset you, that’s your problem. remember ... i was just joking. i really can’t be blamed for it. your lack of good humour or intelligence means you “take me the wrong way” ...

i try not to be self-involved i succeed, albeit only for the most part being self-involved makes nobody happy but yourself (which is fine with you if you just said “ so what ” ?) self-involvement appears to be a very rewarding pastime one is filled with a sense of self-worth and personal pride without seemingly having to do very much at all ! although it bears mentioning that nobody really likes you (but even this does not matter if you are too self-involved ...

my husband has a dog. my husbands’ dog should not exist. i am so certain of this fact that i am prone to pondering the dogs’ possible use as a defense against the evolutionary argument (should i ever wish to mount one) . my husbands’ dog is officially of “indeterminate breed”. (that part is not his fault. the dog, that is. not my husband. well, actually, not my husband either, hehe). but i digress. point being, my husbands’ dog seems to be the result of several decades of indiscriminat...

it’s astounding that men and women persist in trying to “understand” each other. why do we bother ?. our incessant (and stupid) attempts to have “compatible needs” and be “in tune” with each other serve only to highlight our “differences” ... ... you know, the ones we were designed to have ? ... the ones that ensure we procreate. the ones that make sure that men will always be men and women will always be women. and hence our race will advance (sensibly heedless of the whims of...

i was a blonde from birth (1969)-2003. 34 long years of suffering stereotyping, unfunny “jokes”, career discrimination based on an assumed hair colour/lack of intelligence association, and the nickname “blondie”. i recently dyed my hair dark reddish-purple. and it changed my life ... ... (yes, of course i find that hard to believe, too). as a blonde facing the bog-standard male expectation of ditzy slash bubbly but brainless “barbie”, my tendency to speak my (quite scary) little ...

know anyone who has committed suicide ?. me too. i was younger at the time. a lot younger. and the young man who died was not a family member nor my closest friend. but we spent a lot of nights and weekends and holidays as part of a close-knit circle and when he died it changed everything. death is an eventual fact for all of us. but at 19 it seems so remote as to be almost impossible. the decision of a young person to end a life that barely had time to get started is one that may people find...

being young is horrible. it's like: here, have a firm, healthy body, an enquiring mind and limitless potential; but temper it with the fact that nobody thinks your emotions are real, you have no authority whatsoever, and you have no voice of any consequence to the "grown-ups". you can have that. i hated being young and i've never for a second wanted to turn back the clock. the paradox of youth was the worst i ever encountered, and i'm glad it's over. even from the vast distance of 34, i ha...

my attention span is unreliable. it is also dependant only on MY level of interest in the current happening/ and/or it’s events/participants. how rude. anyway, as a result, many inconvenient things happen to me, which probably serves me right. i could avoid most of them if i took my own advice, but i don’t. here it is anyway: 10 things the attention-span-challenged person should NEVER do: 1. assume you didn't put your keys in the toilet 2. buy anything now that you need later and ...

my attention span is unreliable. it is also dependant only on MY level of interest in the current happening/ and/or it’s events/participants. how rude. anyway, as a result, many inconvenient things happen to me, which probably serves me right. i could avoid most of them if i took my own advice, but i don’t. here it is anyway: 10 things the attention-span-challenged person should NEVER do: 1. assume you didn't put your keys in the toilet 2. buy anything now that you need later and ...

i love you hit me buy me a new dress ? push me over put your hands on me get me all dirty you can even make me cry if you want come back in three days okay

sensitive new age guys have their place, bless ‘em. i’m sure there are LOTS of women who adore their male partners’ capacity to “understand” their “feelings” and suffer “sympathetic” labour-pains ... ... i just don’t happen to be one of them. it’s all good to be "into" what makes your woman tick, but frankly, men who know more about my menstrual cycle than i do scare me. i like to think of it this way: need-to-know basis. i laugh out loud when my hubby misinterprets my moods. he’s ...

the war is over and we won. hooray. there are rules now. men have to treat women as equals. uh-huh. i get that. but has the fact that men and women are NOT equals, and are not supposed to be equals, escaped everyone else ?. this planet is populated primarily with dual-gendered species, and gender-typical standard behaviour is observable in all animals excepting the human one ... ... who knows better. so i am supposed to be a new woman. i have won the right to leave the home in the mo...